Sigur Ros's Secret

You may not know this, but ALL of this is 100% true. I personally know the lead singer of Sigur Ros, but i know one of their biggest secrets ever. They told me not to tell anyone, but I have to. What else would I shitpost on reddit?
"Jónsi, I've got some bad news." says Georg to Jónsi. "But I wasn't doing anything I swear!" he replies, sweating heavily. "It's alright, I won't
fire you, as long as you do something for me." Jónsi knows what Georg
wants. He
bends over and lets Georg have his way. Afterwards, as he cries
on the bed, Georg whispers in his ear, "I lied. You're fired.
Months have passed.Jónsi has lost everything. "I wish I never did that" says a heavily drunk Jónsi as he notices a dark figure behind him."I can
give you your life back as long as you do something for me" says Georg. Jónsi knowing what Georg wants bends over and lets him have his way. Afterwards as he cries on bed, Georg whispers in his ear "I lied.Again"
A few years later:
Maybe his long Journey away from the evil drug that is Cocaine
has brought moral clarity to his life. Jónsi rises up and breaks away
from the shackles that has locked him in. Georg holds
the key and sets Jónsi's mind free. He swears to never go back to Iceland
or to take cocaine ever again. Jónsi moves back in with Orri and
finally gets back in the band . The beautifully creamy wall is vibrant
as Sigur Ros records their newest song in the old wonderland. "Hey guys how's
it going, "Jónsi starts up his amp again in anticipation
of the new album being released, Jónsi er aftur. He is happy
and filled with life each day of recording. All is then right with the
world.
This is an true story, and explains why Jónsi was absent from the band.
But, The Biggest Shock, Is A conversation recorded 2 years ago with one of Jónsi's family members. It reveals the biggest secret of all:
My dad (Jónsi) smoked his whole life. One day my mom told him "If u want to see Your children graduate, You have to stop" 3 years ago he died of lung
cancer. My mom told me "Dont smoke; dont put your family through this"
At 24, I have never touched a cigarette. Jónsi was dead all along for 3 years, but they hired a replacement from mars to be in the band"